So, scans were taken and it's good news. The tumor has shrunk. Next step is once every month for five days mom will have oral chemo.
The reality is yes, I am grateful, thankful to God that the tumor has shrunk. I am so glad that I haven't had to say goodbye yet. These results are much better than what the first neurologist gave us as prognosis 4mos ago! It's pretty amazing and awesome when I think of that again.
And, the reality is that we're still in the waiting game... it's always a waiting game. I'm going to have to get used to this feeling I guess. It's a really hard thing to describe, and cancer in the brain is quite different than anything else so it is really hard to feel like there are others who understand.
I am in between feeling happy and still going through being upset that this is the way it is, and wanting to be that "christian girl whose mom is going through cancer, but she is doing so great trusting, etc." ... I don't know that I'm that girl, or should/need to be that girl... I just want to not be dwelling on the negative... I just don't know how... maybe because there is still loss to grieve.
More on that in another blog maybe.
Music has often in my life been something that brings water to my dry places and puts words to what I am feeling or the desires of my heart... Here's a song that is speaking to me lately...
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith would be made stronger
In the presence of my savior
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever you would call me
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