A new kind of waiting

in the first post I wrote about always being in a waiting game.

this new kind of waiting is the worst.

mom is in her last days and though not in much pain physically, she anxiously awaits her place in heaven.

nobody imagines hearing your mom ask "why am i not in heaven yet, did I do something wrong?"

i know the answer is a resounding, "NO, not in the slightest" of course she's not perfect, but if anyone is going to heaven, it's definitely her without a doubt.

that's the thing though, when she asks that question, because she is asking it i find myself asking it myself. don't get me wrong, i believe in God and have a relationship with Jesus, but who wouldn't in their right mind start asking those questions in a time like this. mom's not even in her right mind, it has to be awful for her right now.

so, do i ask why God? yes. i do. why does she have to go through all this waiting. and i feel selfish in not wanting to wait anymore. because i don't want to hear her ask those questions anymore, and be drained anymore. and there's part of the mourning/grieving that can't happen until she's gone. so waiting....

it's christmastime. advent. a season of waiting. come thou long expected jesus. COME, please COME and bring mom home.

        Come, thou long expected Jesus, 
 born to set thy people free; 
 from our fears and sins release us, 
 let us find our rest in thee.  
 Israel's strength and consolation, 
 hope of all the earth thou art; 
 dear desire of every nation, 
 joy of every longing heart.