New Life Worship - Great I Am

this song. gets me every time... except at the memorial service, i forget if i wrote
about that in any previous posts. the story is that throughout mom's
life when she would talk about her funeral/memorial service she'd say
how she didn't want "funeral drudges," people all wearing black, or
everyone being so somber, etc. etc. whenever i heard her say that i'd
say, "but mom, we'll be sad you're not here, i don't know how i couldn't
cry." she never said anything about tears, but i often associated it
that way, even though she wouldn't have wanted me to not "be real."

all of that to say, when it came down to the worship portion of the
service, there were no tears. at first i was thinking about it and so
surprised, and then i thought "okay, i'm going to sing/worship my heart
out since i am not overcome and sobbing." it was a beautiful thing for
me.

fast forward to today in church. i missed the first segment of worship before the message, but the ending worship song was "Great I Am"... and there were definitely tears and not being able
to sing. i hadn't been to church since the weekend after she passed, so the last time i had heard it was at the memorial service.

i have a feeling that church and worship in general will evoke this feeling in me for a long time to come, it's not an uncommon thing, it's just that it's the place where i become open and let my heart out to God, so i believe it will be an instrument of healing and grieving. mom, like me, so enjoyed worship in many different forms. i observed her open her heart even more in these most recent years at Substance Church services and the midweek meeting DEEPER Worship, to deeper places of worship as she would raise her hands and be ever more free to worship. up until that point, i had only seen her with hands close to her heart during worship. i know that everyone worships differently and just because you don't raise your hands doesn't mean you're not free in worship, but I just could feel a difference in her and it was an honor to watch.

my dad mentioned that if they were running late to church, she'd often head straight to the auditorium walking quickly ahead of him as not to miss a single phrase of worship. and she also would so often say "the worship was so great this morning!"

another favorite worship gathering she loved to attend and support was Heart of the City, which Dan and Sandy Adler started many years ago. i don't know if i'm speaking out of turn on behalf of my mom, but i think it is safe to say that Dan and Sandy's philosophy of worship really made an impact in her life, and definitely in mine as well. what i know i learned was that worship isn't just singing, and it also is so much about the heart. i am also going to post a song by Dan Adler called "We Choose to Bow" ... the style is much different than what most are used to now, but that's the beauty of a true heart of worship... i challenge you if it's not your usual style, to take a listen to this powerful song. I can hear my mom singing it :)

We Choose to Bow