first day back to work

today was my first day back to work. and tomorrow i don't have to work, thank the good lord, he knew after the first day i'd already need a break.

it didn't start out well this morning. 2mins after my 7am waking alarm went off, the phone rings and it's target. i'm half panicking half wondering if they're calling to say they made a scheduling taboo and i DON'T have to work. uh, WRONG, when would THAT ever happen?! back to reality. it's quite the opposite... "Hi Lisa, we're wondering if you could come in by 7:40 this morning, our opener called in?" me... "Umm... I'll do my best" click.

'frustration floods over me. really? on my first day back? to a place where the line is always 5deep at 7:57am (we open at 8am). noooo.. . .

. . .ok, i can do this without complaining. don't complain it just makes it worse. mom, why why why... i can do it. it'll be okay. maybe it won't be bad"

i continue to get ready as fast as i can.

upon arriving at work i find an LOD to punch me in (since i so willingly came in early, then proceed the walk to starbucks. as i pass the four etl's (store mgmt exec's) they don't pause in their conversation until i'm already passed them to say "oh good, thank you so much for coming in" as the back of my head is all they can see.

at this point, because of their lack of acknowledgement when they could've made eye contact, i wrote them off and didn't care to engage. i was angry. they didn't stop to tell me what the game plan was or if they had found someone that was going to cover for me. nobody knew it was my first day back.

as i started to try and open it was obvious i was on my own. i was overwhelmed and angry. i asked the deli team lead if she had a walkie and if someone could come over and then kind of shared my frustration and letting her know i didn't even know the recipe of the new drink. i was kind of being a baby about it all and had a hard time reeling it in. i was banging things around and at one point shared some of my angry opinions with the deli team lead about how i felt things should be handled differently when it came to call-ins.

all the while, i knew deep down, i was kind of being a baby about it all. i knew places to look for the new recipes and i knew how to open. the circumstances were just not ideal and i just couldn't cope very well with how it was going down. i didn't like the way i was behaving, but i felt like someone else should feel the frustration, too.

when the store opened i didn't have a single drip coffee ready. thankfully there was shockingly no line-up. there was one nice hispanic man very willing to wait for his grande pike place roast. he asked how my day was going and i said it could be better. he waited patiently and when it was finished wished me a better rest of the day and i wished his day well in return.

it continued on without being too busy, only a couple times before 9am did i have to call for back-up. people were pretty patient too.

okay. thanks god, you were lookin' out for me... you knew. i acknowledged that and was thankful to him.

a new to me employee came in at 9am, actually it was a former "regular" who i had talked to one night a few weeks previous when i saw her working behind the counter. i had told her about mom as Greta and i were about to go over there this one night. thankfully she knew and i didn't have to explain a thing.

about that time, i went in the back and saw the deli team lead and apologized for my crabby behavior. she received it graciously and told me if there was anyone to complain to it was her and that she understood. she was on a leave herself a few months ago, i believe in some sort of similar circumstance, and shared that her first day back was pretty awful too.

the rest of the day was mediocre, i honestly did my best to have a positive attitude, but i couldn't change my heart very well to "want" to be there... because i just didn't.

what do you say to the nice cashier whom you know, that is developmentally challenged, and asks you where you've been. i mean, it doesn't really matter that he has any challenge, it's just that what do you say? all i know is that i wasn't prepared for the question. i first said, "i was at home" (thinking to myself, 'well that sounds stupid, lisa') and then "my mom was sick" and i left it at that with a knot in my throat. i walked back to starbucks (we had been in the breakroom) on the verge of tears. i forget what kept me from spilling over, but something made me choke them back and I went on with the day.

in the end i figured that atleast i acknowledged my bad behavior and then displayed the best i could for the rest of the day, even though it wasn't a smile and filled with conversation.